Translate

Search this blog

Wednesday, 16 December 2015

☀ The Big Fat Mermaid: Funny Stories for Kids [2] - Dweezel and Pallie

Thank you for joining us on the Virtual Book Tour for The Big Fat Mermaid, a Middle Grade Fractured fairy tale by (, Dweezel and Pallie eBooks, 92 pages).

This is the second book in the Funny Stories for Kids series, and it is currently on sale for ONLY .99!

PREVIEW: Check out the book's synopsis and excerpt below, as well as details of the first title in the series, Lily White and the Horrible Dwarves (FREE to download).

Read the first two chapters with Amazon Look Inside.

Author Dweezel and Pallie will be awarding a $30 Amazon/BN gift card to a randomly drawn winner via Rafflecopter during the tour.   Please do take part: comment on our post and follow the tour where you will be able to read other excerpts (☀) and reviews (✍).


Synopsis | Teaser | The Series | About the Author | Giveaway & Tour Stops

Synopsis

She's nasty, she's gross, and she's anything but little. All Aria the mermaid princess wants is to stuff her face full of food, but what happens when her dad, the king, tries to stop her? The answer: laughs beyond belief! Watch as Aria deals with her mean dad, a chubby-chasing prince, a harpoon wielding sea captain, and, in a grand final battle, the monstrous water witch herself.

Aria will bite, belch, and fart her way into your heart in this second installment of the Funny Stories for Kids series, brought to you by the famed Dweezel and Pallie.

Teaser: Excerpt

Look at my stash, see all the treats?
See all the cupcakes and pickled pigs feet?
You can see I'm a mermaid
who wants to eat... everything!

I eat every second I'm waking
I'm so fat that I'm breaking the floor
Double chins?
I got twenty!

But so what?
I don't care!
I want more!

I need to eat what the humans eat
I'd like to eat when the food is still dry
I want to eat some fresh...
Uggh... beef!

Down in the brine the food tastes so bad,
when all you're allowed is some seaweed to live by,
None of that stuff that's so salty and...
mmm mmm mmm... Sweet!

What do I care
if all the laws
say we have to stay hidden?

And what do I care
if eating of meat
is strictly forbidden?

I'm addicted to food
but it tastes so good
so I don't give a single crum about rules;
want more yummies, dipped in honey,
no one to intrude.

Off by the ships
I get just get what drips
off of the sides, or they throw in barrels.
No primo stuff like
fresh dip and…
uggh... chips!

I want to munch,
I want to brunch,
I want to eat the thing they call lunch!
Sweets and the meats...
I need to eat
all of that food.

The Big Fat Mermaid
On Sale for only .99!!!

UK: purchase from Amazon.co.uk purchase from Nook UK purchase from iTunes UK find on Goodreads
US: purchase from Amazon.com purchase from Barnes & Noble purchase from iTunes US purchase from Smashwords

The Series: Funny Stories for Kids

Click on the book cover to Look Inside the book on Amazon and read an excerpt.


Lily White and the Horrible Dwarves [1]

**FREE download**

What would the story of "Snow White" be like if the princess was an idiot, the evil queen was completely incompetent, and the dwarves, instead of being happy and silly, were instead super gross and mean?

The answer: "Lily White and the Horrible Dwarves," a comedy short story that is so awesome you'll have to read it to believe it.

[Published 3 August 2015, 76 pages]

About the Author

Dr. Dweezel and Professor Pallie have become famed in their respective fields for outstanding contributions. For nearly a decade they have collaborated on the recording of lost ancient texts and tales.

Follow Dweezel and Pallie :

Visit the author's website Visit the author on Facebook Visit the author on Twitter Visit the author on GoodReads

Giveaway and Tour Stops

Enter to win a $30 Amazon/BN GC – a Rafflecopter giveaway
Remember to comment to win!
a Rafflecopter giveaway

13 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thank you. We had the title before we had a story.

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. We were fortunate to find our artist. Her name is Andrea Laguzzi, and you can see more of her art on Deviant Art at gormlaith.deviantart.com/

      Delete
  3. Sounds like a fun read, thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you so much for hosting our story today! You have picked a most excellent excerpt. Please know, everyone, that this story is on sale right now for $0.99!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello! Thank you for stopping by today. I have added that to the post.
      Your stories do sound like a lot of fun!
      Have a great tour!

      Flora

      Delete
    2. Thanks for adding that, and we hope you enjoy reading our book.

      Delete
  5. Really great teaser, thanks for sharing! :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks, What about the teaser did you like?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thank you so much for the post you do. I like your post and all you share with us is up to date and quite informative, i would like to bookmark the page so i can come here again to read you, as you have done a wonderful job.
    stories for kids

    ReplyDelete